"I'm the HOFF! And I'm not that drunk!"

Goddamit Hasselhoff! You are ruining yourself. Everyone thinks you're a drunk now. What happended to you?? This is your year of self distruct. First your wife claims you beat her(while on CNN's "American Morning." Hasselhoff told Soledad O'Brien, "The only person who broke my wife's nose was a plastic surgeon, darling.") and wants a divorce. Right before your divorce was final, you got kicked out of Wimbledon for being too drunk. Then right before a Tonight Show appearance you were shaving in a hotel in London when you broke a lamp with your head and the lamp then fell down and sliced your wrist -- cutting four tendons and an artery (a cry for help!). Now that the divorce is final you completely just lost it...you got escorted away by airport security and go-cart, because they deemed you "unfit to fly." Why are you always smashed? Hoff, your abs are not going to be rock solid like the Baywatch days if you keep this us...and maybe no one will want to see your musical about your life staring YOU.

go to TMZ.com for the video (no sound though), here what they are reporting about Hoffo the Drunko:

The same day his divorce became final from Pamela Bach, David Hasselhoff was banned from boarding a British Airways flight after showing up to the gate intoxicated, according to The Sun newspaper.After reportedly downing bottles of beer and shots of whiskey at a first class lounge at Heathrow, British Airways staff told Hasselhoff he was unfit to board the plane, which The Hoff agreed with.The Sun also says Hasselhoff told the airline staff he was upset about his messy divorce from his wife after 16 years.A British Airways spokesperson tells TMZ: "A male passenger was denied boarding flight BA279 as he was deemed to be unfit for travel. He was reassessed by British Airways staff and he was accepted for travel on flight BA283, which left two hours later."
Hasselhoff's publicist Judy Katz tells TMZ "Due to a new medication prescribed on Tuesday by his doctor in London for an infection in his injured hand, Mr. Hasselhoff became ill at Heathrow Airport and requested to be put on a later flight to LA. He got on the next flight at 12:00."

Nice cover-up...but we know the Hoff was sloshed! Woooooooo weeeeee!

Tim Gunn's gonna get you ROCKED!

who loves them some Project Runway and Tim Gunn's famous phrases: "Make it work!" and "Carry on." well have we got a game for you....

We all know how enjoyable Project Runway is. And what could make it better? Perhaps a drinking game. So here are some ground rules I propose. Suggest any others you have. And, I can't be responsible if you get drunk and fall off a balcony, ok?

-One DRINK for Time Gunn saying either "make it work" or "carry on."

-One DRINK for a product placement references. Example, "send your models to the Tresemee hair salor and use the Macy's accessory wall."

-One DRINK for everytime someone says "bitch."

-Two DRINKS for eveytime a designer is cursing at a sewing machine.

-One DRINK for everytime a designer leaves for a smoke break.

(found this on best week ever blog)

what a recipe for a blackout.
Project Runway is tonight (and every Wednesday) 9pm (central time)

the Clinton's are always sexing it up

As Hillary looks into Brinkley's 4th husband (?!), Peter Cook's forgiving eyes, she knows he's going to give it to her and that the $13,000 was so worth it. Brinkley is naturally pissed, but realizes if he's going to stick it to anyone...it's better than that teenage whorebag he was caught with in the Hamptons. Yeah yeah Hill, everyday she's hustlin', everyday mother f-in day!

now for the real caption...
[Photo Caption from NYPost.com: Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton meets Christie Brinkley and big-time donor husband Peter Cook - now known for his extramarital affair with teen Diana Bianchi - at an event in Sag Harbor, L.I., in July 2001.]

The NY Post reports:
WASHINGTON - Peter Cook, who humiliated his supermodel wife, Christie Brinkley, by bedding a doe-eyed teen in the Hamptons, has given thousands in campaign cash to Hillary Rodham Clinton.
The senator, who champions women's causes and children's issues, is the biggest recipient of Cook's generosity to politicians - raking in $13,000 from him since 2000 for her campaign war chests, according to records.
Asked by The Post whether she will return the contributions, Clinton said, "I'll have to look into it."
Clinton refused to answer further questions about Cook, waving her hand and turning away with no reply.
Campaign aide Ann Lewis later said, "Senator Clinton has met Peter Cook. We do not intend to return his contributions."
A stunning photograph obtained by The Post reveals that Clinton, Cook and Brinkley hobnobbed like best friends at a Sag Harbor event in July 2001.
As beautiful teen Diana Bianchi told The Post, Cook hit on her at a Hamptons toy store, then gave her a job at his architecture firm and seduced her.
Bianchi's high-powered attorney, Joseph Tacopina, says Bianchi has "a great sexual-harassment claim."
"He hired her to bed her," he has said.
But Cook is trying to salvage his marriage to the beautiful Brinkley, and "hopes there's no divorce," his lawyer, Norman Sheresky, told The Post's Cindy Adams in a story published yesterday.
Cook's Clinton donations were spread out between 2001 and 2004, long after his sex romps with pop singer Samantha Cole, who was then about 18, and just before he picked up Bianchi, now 19, last summer.
Like his cheating ways, Cook's contributions to Clinton appear to be a summer tradition.
In August 2004, Cook gave $2,000 to the Friends of Hillary, which funds Clinton's Senate campaign. Just days later, he cut a $5,000 check to HillPAC, the same day Brinkley shelled out $5,000. HillPAC is another fund-raising entity established by Clinton that she uses to support Democratic candidates around the country.
Back in June 2002, Cook gave HillPAC another $5,000 check. In July 2001, he chipped in $1,000. Cook also steered money to other Democratic bigwigs, including Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.). He gave $2,000 to Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) in 2004. "I met him. I think I know him," Kerry said. Asked about the stunning reports about Cook's adultery, Kerry replied, "I would want to know the facts before I make a comment on it."
Cook also gave $10,000 to the Democratic National Committee around the time of the 2004 Democratic Convention in Boston.

Now would be a good time for HRC to ask Billy boy what to do...he's rather versed in these types of inappropriate matters. props to the writer who dug up this info on Cook and HRC, sooo unnecessary and we love it.

with their F-list fag hags, pre-Lance out of the closet

the funny thing is...there is no way F-lister Shannon Elizabeth and Jamie Lynn Sigler (who is currently dating Scott Sartiano, owner of Butter) are "romantically connected" to these gayer than Richard Simmons guys...it's obvious. They're out shopping together...trying to stay separated (because at this point, Lance was not really out to his family--in the PEOPLE article he says that his mom found out that he was gay via rumors on the internet)...but the other funny thing is that Reichen, from Amazing Race, has been out for sometime now...they weren't fooling the gays, that's for sure! I know Perez outted him soooo long ago...


sharing t-shirts (usually done after a shack in college) is the true sign, they were hooking it...

strictly on a CHEETOS diet

looks like Sean P. is strictly on a CHEETOS diet, thanks to trashy momma Spears.



man this baby is such a chubb scout!

Lance decided to 'Quit Playing Games with our Hearts' and now it's GAY TIME! wooooo

finally! we were waiting for Lance to just come out and say it (pun intended). Lance Bass, formerly of the super boy band, N*Sync, who has been seen around town (and at some gay events) with former reality star Reichen Lehmkuhl, finally broke and is giving the world a little shock (well those who never saw the shy-he-is-hiding-something-and-has-blonde-highlights coming or people who don't read the goss dailies)....

PEOPLE will have the exclusive and perez hilton.com has some quotes already from the interview:

On When He Knew He Was Gay-
"I've known my whole life. I always knew and dealt with it; it's nothing that was confusing to me. I told myself, 'This is what you are. This is the way you were born.'"

i saw it coming...i mean, it was inevitable that at least one of the N*Syncers was going to be gay. dancing around, wearing questionable clothing, higlights...come on people!

On His Bandmates-
Some of the guys of course suspected because we were like brothers, so when you're with someone that much, they're like 'Why aren't you hitting on women all the time and acting like a rock star?' Because I was a good Christian boy, that's why.

she's got a little captain in her...

oh god...do I need to describe these? the arrows are just out of control...wooooo, weeeeeee. "i really likey the pirates and they really likey me coochie!"

"i'm not really drinking, but i will get down on me knees without having any liquor, ok!!? ok!"

whore island, anyone? anyone?!!?!

why do they keep type-casting her? it's not fair!!

Tara Reid to star (is that the correct term though?) in another American Pie Van Wilder-esque movie. Oh really? No shit!!? I don't understand why they keep making her into this party girl, with no inhibitions, who always wears short jeans skirt sans undies? So so so unfair!! I was thinking Tara could be in Hasselhoff's musical about his life, no?


from NY Daily News.com:



Tara & De Niro? It's a billing error
We have bad news for Tara Reid.


She will not be starring opposite Robert De Niro anytime soon.
The star of E!'s failed "Taradise" was "jumping up and down and screaming" Saturday night at the Delano Hotel in Miami when she got a call on her mobile phone that she'd been cast in "Senior Skip Day" and that the "Raging Bull" and "Meet the Fockers" great was to be her co-star.
"It's all she talked about all week," says our spy."
Reid's agent, Rich Hueners, told our Deborah Newman, Tara "was offered that movie, yes. Whether it's opposite Robert De Niro, I can't say."
Stan Rosenfield, De Niro's spokesman, issued a quick denial: "He's not involved. It's not true."
Apparently, Reid's the last one to know.
"I don't think she'd be making that up, because she told so many people out there!" laughed our spy. "Her assistant even made a toast for her at the Blue Door, congratulating her on getting the movie."
Ouch.
To add to the bad news, Reid reportedly broke up with Francisco Cardona last week for not catering to her A-list needs. "She said, 'I'm a movie star! I want someone who's there!'" reports our earwitness.
Sadly, the "movie star" could not be reached for comment before press time, and she's between publicists.

when it comes to Tara Reid, it's all about the titties, oh i mean kiddies.

"we run, we jump, we swim, we play..."

Salute your shorts

does anyone know of a camp where 20-somethings can go to in the summer, to escape the real world, eat shitty food, make-out in the woods with someone with braces, canoe, participate in a color war, receive care packages? i miss camp and i am really pissed that i am too old to go back (as a camper).

"Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel definitely beats your Chumbawumba Tub Thumping song

so we have run out of ideas of how to keep plain old card games interesting, because if it doesn't involve taking off your clothes when your Queen loses to his King (no pun intended) in War, then what's the point, right!!? Right?!!? are you still bored, OK here is a game you can play with your #1 homeboy, your best friend who always shuffles your music just the way you like it...War, iPod (ok, let's be PC and not just call every mp3 player an iPod, since Kleenex is really just tissue, Kleenex is the brand dammit!)/mp3 style:

from I am fuel, you are friends:

HOW TO PLAY IPOD WAR
The object of the game is to put your music library up against another person's - find out some secret favorites they have, and hope your guilty pleasures don't pop up in an embarassing number.

Playing is simple: In the card game WAR, two opponents split a deck of cards. In each "battle," players would turn over the top card on his or her deck. Whoever had the highest card won the battle and kept the two cards. At the end of the deck, the person with the most cards won the war.

iPod War follows the same guidelines. Two people put their iPods on Shuffle and play music. As each song comes up, whoever has the better song wins the battle. After 10 songs, the person who won the most battles wins the war.
It's not necessary to play iPod war in person (I typically play over instant messenger).

Who decides which song is better?
1. Well, there's a lot of honor system involved. Tell the truth, and don't be afraid to lose.
2. Sometimes its obvious. Like, in my world, even the greatest reggae song would never beat a DEVO song, and if you disagree, chances are I wouldn't be playing (or talking) to you. So that stuff kind of works itself out.
3. When you have two unknowns (you each don't know the other person's song) you each make a case and duke it out. Often it works like this: I may not have heard your song, but I know the band, or the style of music. If you make a case that yours is a really good song, I may give you the win, knowing my song is only okay. If I think my band is better, I probably won't.
4. Variety counts. If you have a heavy rotation of a certain band, they become more vulnerable over time. For example, I think there's hardly any bad Pixies songs, and I have a lot of Pixies on my iPod. If they come up alot during a game, it gets old. So while Monkey Gone to Heaven may be a great song, if it's the fourth Pixies song to come up in a half hour, it's not necessarily invincible.
5. If neither person will concede the win, "Vietnam" is declared (both sides claim a win, but nobody really won). This works like a tie; no points to either side.
6. Older doesn't always mean better. Yes music was exceptionally rad from 1964-1982. Doesn't mean a song from 1995 can't be better.
7. Don't demand a win on principle. (You say: "But the Rolling Stones kick Prince's ass!") Each song should be evaluated on its own merit. (I say: "While The Stones are an important part of music history, there are lots of Stones songs that are mediocre/sucky and some Prince songs that fucking rule.")
8. Counting Crows never wins.
9. Sometimes you have to strongly defend your song. Sometimes you have to concede, even though your song might be awesome. Pick your battles.
A few final notes. To be clear, you are listening to each song. You aren't just listing a song title and skipping to the next song, then the next, until its over. This is a game for people who'd be listening to music anyway.
Having said that, you are free to skip ahead at will. Each person's songs are different lengths, and sometimes it's necessary to catch up with your opponent. Or sometimes you just don't want to hear a particular song.

IMPORTANT: By "you are free to skip ahead at will" I only mean that you don't have to listen to an entire song. YOU STILL INCLUDE IT IN YOUR LIST, BATTLING AGAINST YOUR OPPONENT'S SONG. You can never actually skip any song that comes up in your rotation. They are all judged, in order, against the other person's songs. No skipping or reshuffling if you think it won't win. You are entirely at the mercy of your music library and your shuffle mechanism.

These are really loose rules. You can play to 10, or to 20. You can play for a certain amount of time. You can play until one person has five wins. You can play with two, three, or four players. You can use published lists as the "judge" of which song is best (good for a tiebreaker). You can ban all songs about cheese flavored products. Whatever. Make your own rules.

anyone got any other useless iPod/mp3 player games? send them to me: chicagoburn@hotmail.com

...and out of fuckin no where, it's David Hasslehoff!

the Hoff thinks he's so uber cool (but really the Germans are the ones that wet their pants for him, we just make so much fun of him, I even received a powerpoint presentation of the Hoff) that he is in the works of creating a musical, staring him OF COURSE, about his life.

W.O.W. it really can't get any gay-er than that...Hoff singing about his life, probably shirtless more than half the time and probably wearing all kinds of leather and maybe some fur.

Celebrity Week reports:

Hasselhoff To Star In Musical Based On His Life
First of all, we are NOT making this up. David Hasselhoff – star of Knight Rider, Baywatch and the new hit variety show America’s Got Talent told us today that he is heading to Australia to appear in a stage production based on his life.
David Hasselhoff: The Musical will include sets inspired by The Young and The Restless, Knight Rider and the songs of Teddy Pendergrass. “I am also doing a heart-rendering set on my life and the mistakes I have made,” the star says. “It sounds like a bad joke, but it is really going to be a good show…totally campy. It’s written by the same people who wrote Bette Midler’s show and produced by the people who produced Chicago in London.”
The production - which features dancers from both Chicago and Jeckyl & Hyde - will open in Melbourne (date to be determined) before hopefully coming to America. “If it ends up in Vegas, how great would that be?” he says. “I want to entertain people. Sammy Davis (Jr.) was my hero.” Hasselhoff, 54, will also release his autobiography, Making Waves, on September 10.

Flavor of Love Season 2 Promo

oh yeeeeeeeeah boyeeeeee. i want to know what love is, i want flavor to show me.