THIS JUST IN: going GOTH wins an EMMY; so does POOP

what would you do after you found out your dad was doing a guy named 'Johnny Cakes' while wearing leather studded chaps? poop in a shower, of course. ok, i know it's a little more complicated than that...but how do you get from: Vito servicing a construction worker early in the AM, Meadow's weakling of a boyfriend witnessing it, him leaking the info to the crew, Tony and crew become ashamed and torn between what they should do with him, Pauly "eh oh!" Phil taking out his homophobic rage on Vito, Vito's kids finally finding out the truth through hear-say and rumors "butt pirate," upset and enraged Vito Jr. to goth Vito Jr. to the climax of the shower poop.

and here we are...(click image for better view)
[source: Defamer.com via Variety magazine)

com'on joey, gimmie a beat!

i NEED NEED NEED to be on the Singing Bee.

and if i have to makeout with Joey Fatone, 'the fat-one', to get on, i will do it, to it! someone get me a connection, get me to the promise land of the Singing Bee. i could use 50Gs like Lohan could use a nasal passage. you got me?

i kept seeing the teasers for this game show, over and over again, with fat-one's smiling face smeared with cheez whiz and i told myself, "you are not watching that! no matter how 'bad it's so good' it's going to be, you restrain yourself now!" but then i was cooking and i was oh so far away from the TV and clicker, that i just had to watch it once i got so so so far away (maybe 20 feet). my TV is always set to channel 5, primed for instant TODAY SHOW access, so i can catch local Chicago weather expert, Andy Avalos for a weather check and MoMo Viera, Matt & Al--every morning when i'm getting ready to scoot out..sometime between 8:51ish and 9:15ish. back to the kitchen: here i am, cooking up some concoction, and poor little me is stuck watching the fat-one and some Americana contestants butcher the words to top 40. god, it was magical. i loved it and i would have beat out every single person on the show. even the guy who thought knowing the words to "All star" was a huge accomplishment and rare talent. david blaine and cris angel make this guy look like a marionette. wait a second, i'm off topic now.

so anyways, i need to get on this show. i will find a way. i will conquer this thing and win 50Gs. it's too bad the prize money isn't closer to a 'Deal or No Deal'-'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' range..but i'll take that anyways.

joey, i'm waiting...come get me!