pee pee in the pot-tay!

+= oh hell yea!

in this toilet? man would that be cool for this guy whose been waiting all of his life for Britney Spears to pee or poop in his coveted restaurant's bathroom. as he stands there, next to the toilet that the Shitney Spears may have left some waste in, he beams in all of his glory...for this is his moment, he's been waiting all of his life "for a moment like this," (thanks Kelly Clarkston). this is such a tabloid shit-storm of "who really cares, man you have no life" THANKS IN-TOUCH, you really are IN-TOUCH with bodily functions of celebs.
[source: IN TOUCH]

what if they said, "eating a sandwich is so easy, even Lohan during a coke binge could do it"

crusin' down the street in my sea-bring...

we jus' don't give a FUCK! so easy a caveman can drive a sea-bring, that's right bitches.

dissect TITC (of course it sounds inappropriate)

Trapped in the Closet (TITC, tit-c) has a FAN WIKI, so now you can figure out who "done it" "done wrong" and "gon' on and done did it" in each chapter. without this thing how the hell would we know who was banging the midget, friends with the cop, and really trapped in the closet, fo' real?

add comments, tell everyone what you've learned after each chapter (ex: "I've learned that if you're trapped in the closet, put your phone on vibrate, FOOL!") and understand the family tree or gang bang train, if you will.

click in the name of TITC

you can do a lot of things in 82 minutes

like become someone's bitch or LUDOP (lesbian until date of parole - prison term i learned from Kathy Griffen, My Life on the D-List). i wonder what was accomplished when Nicole Richie entered her 90 hour sentence to only serve 82 minutes of it...damn girl, you've got the hook-up with the correctional facility, maybe Lohan could pick up a few tips from you. (apparently the boring truth is that the facilities were too crowded for Richie, but no one cares about that, 82 minutes in jail is what the headlines focus on)

if you're keeping score:
Richie - 1
Par-Ho - negative 4 (she's too dumb to figure out how to get a sentence reduced)(Paris: "wait, what? how do you make a peace sign again?")

CNN reported her sentencing...
BBC reported her duration in jail...

i'm not going to use that 'Office Space' quote but...

it's MONDAY...and work sucks. WAAAAAAAAH
ode to work-life:

it's 8:57am, and i might begin my 7 minute walk to work...if i feel like getting there semi-on-time
i get excited to eat in the caf - since the fruit is always fresh, the yogurt bar is quite convenient and the coffee never runs out (not to mention it's not folgers, it's 'bucks) and that's my motivation to get there
i know that once i get to my desk, IM-Gchat-facebook-friendster-myspace-gmail-hotmail-perez await me
when the website checking runs out, i sit and wait for "duties"
oh look, it's just about lunchtime
where should we go today?
cosi-panera-corner bakery-potbelly-chipolte-soup box-your mom's?
hey, i've got an idea - let's make it a 2 hour lunch
sweet.
3 more hours to go - let's do the website check again.
facebook-friendster-myspace-gmail-hotmail-gawker-perez-zappos
want to get a snack?
looky it's 4:51, time to turn the computer down since it's full of MP3s and JPEGs it will take about 7 minutes
peace out work, see you at 9:12 tomorrow.
word life is unreal.