pelt bagels, wear girbauds

nothing to do this weekend? well in case you forgot it's Mario Lopez's birthday. check it:what? homeboy can't have a party with his own friends...he's got to invite the whole city to celebrate with him? i'm going to put on my tightest girbauds, a side pony, reebok hightops and this t-shirt:










in your free time, why not hunt down Ann Coulter and pelt some bagels at her? spread some moldy cream cheese on them, slather them with lox and capers and just pelt that bitch! that's right...do it. oh and get it on tape:
we wouldn't have Christianity if it wasn't for Judaism...this bitch is crazy and dumb! hit her with a bagel already...

have a good weekend!

your grandma's twin brother is performing

yea..that's the exact words that came out of my mouth when "Chili" from Detroit (even from the right city) came out to perform his/her lip syncing number.

"Is that Ilene up there? You're Grandma?"
i went last Friday for a birthday, but no this was not my first time at the Baton Show Club (i hosted my good friend's bach party there). since i had already been to the other drag queen show in the city Kit Kat Lounge, i had something to compare Baton to, and Baton was far better. they had numerous queens - a Beyonce look alike from Hawaii,Chili from Detroit (of course), Christina Aquilera's mother with red hair, a Whitney Houston (more like Juwanna Man/Wilt Chamberlain's sister), a BIG naughty "momma," and one that was hot, that i am still questioning if she was a woman or not, who had blond hair, a good body and a mixed look between Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson - the boys loved her/him. the show was about 2 hours long with some comedic input in between by big momma. big momma told one of the girls at our table that her boyfriend's boobs were bigger than hers. that went over well. she didn't hoot the rest of the show. my boyfriend and i tipped the queens almost every song - from Amy Winehouse renditions to "You Gotta Lick It Before We Kick It" - a 90s raunch hit. it seemed like people were either starting to get tired at our table (the wild drunks from our birthday celebration were starting to quiet down) or they were just so baffled by the performances and what was really under their party dresses. i had a good time and this time i was able to meet Ryan's grandma's twin brother/sister.

get your creep on!

[creepy video of the day]

highlights:
"easy now funny little peach man"
"motha licka"
"the downstairs mixup"
"ever drink Bailey's from a shoe?"

Blame Al Gore!

this past weekend was a record heat wave for chicago. it's October people, but Al Gore knew better! Global Warming or has Chicago moved closer to the equator overnight?

Al Gore is the cause of the heat in Chicago, he read 'The Secret' and kept saying over and over again "Global Warming is real. Global Warming is real" (and if you believe it and want something, it will happen - according to 'The Secret').

ok..so now that I got that out of the way - the weekend was full of hot, sweatiness, distraught Cubs' fan (what's new?), backed up mass transit, blocked off streets and hot and thirsty marathon runners. i was in Wrigleyville on Saturday, by default, considering I am NOT a Cubs fan and laugh every time the fans think this year (once again) is the Cubs year. mind you, the 45 games the Cubs won this year were to easy teams and the 90 games the D'Backs won this year were to hard teams. but there I was in Wrig'ville (had made my way down there after watching MSU lose to Northwestern at O'Malley's in LP), and Cubs fans were sweating and praying for a win, just 1 win...but after D'back hit a homerun from the 1st pitch...troubs was brewing.

onto Sunday...the Chicago Marathon day. wa wa wa wee wa...it was so hard to get around the city just to go watch the marathon! i got up at 7am to head down to LP to watch my courageous bud KRISTY POLLINA run the 'thon and it took me over an hour just to get down there - let's not discuss the cab driver I had who did not know his way around the city and could hardly understand me when I was trying to give him tips on back roads, other routes...so I missed Kristy at the LP landmark...and then made the trek down to the finish line in Grant Park. what a zoo it was. and just to get to the spectator spot to watch the runners finish, was a 2 mile walk in a long and winding maze. did i mention that it was hot yesterday? my forehead is proof of that - it's redder than an Irishman's face 3 hours into happy hour on a Tuesday. i missed Kristy finish too! as i was standing (or tanning) at the finish line for 2 hours waiting to yell "GO PO GO!" to no avail. getting home was another story...took me an hour, and the funny thing is, I LIVE DOWNTOWN...and um the race was DOWNTOWN. that's what I get for trying to run around the city on 'thon day...in 88 degree weather, 86% humidity. whoa is NOT me, whoa is all of the runners including KRISTY POLLINA who finished the 26.2 mile run in sweltering heat. cheers to you! do you know the origination of the marathon? the reason it is 26.2 miles is said to be the legend of Pheidippides, a Greek soldier from the town of Marathon was sent to deliver the message to Athens that the Persians had been defeated in the Battle of Marathon. he apparently ran 26.2 miles straight into the senate screaming "Masters! Victory is ours!" before dropping dead on the spot, dying from exhaustion.
(check out the facts on wikipedia)

lots of controversy surrounds the 'thon right now. not enough water and gatorade ("naturally, we called it gator-ade") at the stations, but the fact that the city closed down the 'thon at 12 and diverted runners to another route and urged them to walk the rest of the way. i was on the train with a few runners who were not happy about this - after training for 5 months, "getting up at 5am every Sunday to do a run," they should have been allowed to finish (they made it to mile 19 and were told to stop running). while at the finish line, they announced that "due to excessive heat, the marathon is canceled and is now a fun run." fun run...woohoo, i think i saw about 50 people 100 meters before the finish do kart wheels, because now the run was FUN! that pissed people off too. thankfully many still finished considering the conditions. but sadly, one man died. everyone thought it was because of the heat, but actually he died of a heart failure. a 35 year old policeman from Michigan. too young, so sad. over 250 people were hospitalized for heat exhaustion and 25 are still in the hospital today. i wish them all well, although when you run a marathon you run the risk of all of these things - every ailment from running 26 miles that could occur...and it's not unusual for someone to die at a marathon, it happens very often.

the women's race for 1st was actually a good one - check out this highlight: