get your dancin' boots on

lolla is tomorrow - the weekend is going to be a long one...i plan on going 3 days. there are some tips that i learned from last year that could help all you fes' goers this year:

1. pick a main stage for the day - don't even try to get between the AT&T and Bud Light stages (both at opposites ends of the park/venue). the walk alone is probably 20-40 minutes depending on the way the crowd is moving. we camped out at one stage the entire weekend, making trips to other stages in-between the big acts on the main stage we were at. those that tried to venture to the other side between a break from one headliner at the main stage to the next, basically would be gone for over 2 hours just trying to get there and back and we would say "later dude. hopefully you can find us and get back here, but good luck." pick a main stage and settle down there.

2. try to sneak alcohol in. mix it in with your bottled waters. be gutsy, you don't have too much to lose. we brought in sangria one day and everyone around us was in awe. one day we got busted, so i suggest hiding the alcohol in your cleave, ladies and in your pants by your package, guys - that way, you can spend money on mixers and not the pricey frou frou liquor drinks and beers.

3. get ready to sweat like you've never sweat before. plus, it's august.

4. plan your outfit according to what a phish head would wear. how much tie dye you wear is your prerogative Bobbi Brown, but don't try to get all hipster and gussied up for a 3-day concert. wife beater and shorts will do - that way you can sit anyway you want and sit on anything you want without worrying if people can see your hoo-ha and what just got stuck on your new white high-waisted hot shorts. your feet will get nasty, wear flip flops or old tennies.

5. come in with friends, don't try and meet them there. that's a mistake, period. there are millions of people, oh and did I mention, this concert CANNOT sell out!

6. get to the headliner, Pearl Jam, 1 hour to 30 minutes prior to get a good spot - it's the last act and no one is playing at the same as them, so the entire lolla population makes their way over there. if there is a band playing right before them, leave that show early...or stand behind thousands during the Pearl Jam show.

(show round-up coming after the weekend...)

jack 'em up until you can't feel your crotch

those looks like mom-jeans, but look again, they're actually in-style now. yeaaaaa! (look below at the more attractive people wearing the new style, well minus Mischa Barton)
slap these things on a celeb and you've got insta-trend. it makes the foupa fashionable. wa wa wee wa.
are high-waisted pants, shorts and skirts this season's answer to the "drinking shirt"/pregnant shirt/jumper! (weeee)/dress that would fit a 7 yr. old, but is a shirt for a 20-something chick? have we found a new way to cover up our bellies after a long night or day of drinking, eating, binge drinking, and late night eating? i must say, women feel bloated a lot more than men...is it the P or is it the salty foods or is it our intolerance for putting anything more than water and coffee in our bodies? guys usually don't need these cover-ups or S.O.F.A.s (sweater over fat ass) or S.O.B.B.s (shirt over bloated belly) - but fashion designers are finding a new way - say hello to high waisted designs and goodbye to foupa free time. those foupas are not going anywhere in these almost-camel-toe-creating-innovations."check me out, i'm covering up my foupa although i might develop a camel toe as these high-waisted hot shorts ride up."

go on and fetch mommy's lollipops

in more shocking Britney news US weekly reports:

that Spears’ friends and family have become concerned about the pop star’s mothering skills.

Case in point: The tooth fairy may be making early visits to 22-month-old Sean. “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider tells Us.

Another source says that, in April, Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

Life & Style and Perez are reporting probably the best quote i've heard in a while from the Trashtastic machine:
Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”

are we just watching a white trash reality show unfolding before our eyes? well hells yes we are, it's like a car crash, you have to slow down to check it out. as for the respect meter, i haven't seen it since the "Oops I did it again" days. sometimes i can't tell if the media has manipulated these pictures, videos and stories about her - but then i realize that she's capable of anything and before we know it, those kids will be in K Fed's hands and she'll be signing up with Lou Pearlman and joining in on his pyramid scheme too.