to all you woo'ers

YEA YOU, the one who just woo'ed in spinning class.
the one who just woo'ed (and clapped) at Night at the Museum.
the contestant on Wheel of Fortune who just woo'ed on EVERY spin.
the club-goer/chicago collegey bar-goer who woo'ed during "Livin' On a Prayer," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Summer of '69," "Sweet Child O' Mine," "Welcome to the Jungle" "Don't Stop Believin" and "Here I Go Again."

Arsenio Hall would appreciate your "woo's" BUT I would just like to put a bagel in your mouth, duct tape it, and then put a muzzle over that.
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dear spinning class woo'er:

class does not get more exciting or any easier when or if you 'woo,' in fact it's harder to concentrate on the "hill" i am trekking up with my stationary bike. i'm trying to envision the finish line at the top of the hill, me beating everyone and all i hear is your 'woo's'! i lose concentration and lose the race because my brain is inundated with cheerleader verbal diarrhea (really peppy screams or just woo's).

so next time the instructor, that i realize you're friends with and might be trying to give her a pat on the back, tells us to "turn it up" don't woo, just turn up the intensity on your damn bike in silence. it's 6:30am in the morning, too early for a woo fest.

-the one in class who kept staring at you after every 'woo'
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dear movie theater guy:

i'm going to make this short and sweet considering it's hard to write a long letter to someone who actually enjoyed "Night at the Museum" enough to actually "woo" and clap at the end, i just can't relate. 2 things--1. it is a movie that has been pre-recorded, not live theatre and 2. although the clap happens frequently at the movie theater, the "woo" is neither necessary nor suitable for NATM.

i can't get back the 2 hours of my life that I spent watching this flick, but at least i can have a true opinion if someone asks me how it was. Absolutely wretched.

-the girl sitting behind you
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dear wheel of fortune contestant:

i am forced to watched WOF while I am getting my stuff together in the locker room at my gym, and usually my workout ends around the time that WOF is playing. it's not fair, especially when the "teen" version is on. but today, i heard you talking about your family to Sajack and even though he didn't ask you to tell him everything about them, you still did. you also got the first spin and then was on a roll (skillfully just missing the Bankruptcy twice and scoring a trip to Key West) , and then the woo's started flowing like beer in frat house. EVERY SPIN. EVERY DAMN SPIN. i was trying to get out of the locker room faster, but there's just no rushing when you're tired and sweaty after a 9-5 work day.

did you win? did all that "woo'ing" get you anywhere? it ruined my night.
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dear post-college guy/girl at a chicago collegey bar:

i've heard this "set" of college replays before. EVERY NIGHT, yes it was the same damn playlist. a little Bon Jovi, a little GNR, a little White Snake, a little Journey and every person is in a drunken sing-along. i have to admit, those songs were GOOD in college, it was like i had just discovered them on Napster and burned them to a blank CD. but no, they have been around for decades and they are the ONLY BAR ANTHEM. keep those on repeat, go ahead, i'm just not singing along anymore...i can't do it after the 1,000th time. it seems like every time you play these "classics"(meaning the innovative DJ at the bar), the crowd just goes wild, like no matter what was going on, they hear the rif for "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and everything seems to be alright, even if they just saw their boyfriend making out with the "beer girl."

it's not your bad DJ skills that hurt the most, it's the woo's that ensue after, during, before each of these songs (there may be more songs that i am missing). it's a woo that starts at the beginning of the song and goes on about 10-20 seconds after the song is over. it's non-stop woo-age and if you play them all in a row (which is what usually happens), it's almost 30 minutes to an hour of straight up woo-anation.

can i DJ next time? McFadden's Chicago- click for their myspace
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